Teaching Our Children--And Ourselves--To Do Good Deeds

Well-respected architect and philanthropist, William Ming Sing Lee, was born into one of the wealthiest families in Shanghai. (see post one.) As a child, he wanted for nothing...except that which was unattainable: good health and a more empathetic mother. (see post two and post three.) While the war made some things--like great medical care--impossible, it gave him a window into western culture. He began studying at the Shanghai American School, and eventually came to study in the U.S. (see post four and post five.) While Billy's father prepared him for life in America, the man could not prepare Billy for what was to happen in China. (see post six.) Billy continued to persevere in America. He met many kind people along the way, and was forever touched by his homestay experiences. (See post seven.) Upon graduation, he worked for the renowned architect I.M. Pei, married, and built a loving family. Upon retirement, he returned to his hometown of Ningbo to offer his expertise. (see post eight.) He co-founded the 1990 institute to foster understanding between the U.S. and China. (see post nine.) 

Now, Billy is urgently calling for the creation of an international cross-cultural institute on friendship sciences, as he believes that human relations have been taken for granted—like the environment was forty years ago.  

He is presently awaiting a proposal from the directors of Stanford's Culture and Emotion Lab and the Stanford Center at Peking University to conduct a friendship-related research project. 

“At first the focus will be on U.S. and China, but hopefully the model will be embraced and further advanced by other institutions globally.”

He questions the way parents in different cultures now very simplistically bring up their children. 

“There’s a danger in today’s western--as well as Chinese or other—cultures: how we bring up our children, especially from a young age. As parents, we want to protect our own child from harm and from being cheated or bullied.  So we teach our children to make judgments.  So you start off with good and bad, black and white, because if you show them three different shades, they will become confused. It teaches people to be extremely judgmental, and extremely sure of their own philosophies. ‘And you can’t criticize us ‘cause we are shining stars.’

"Winning becomes the measure of success. That is a terrible Donald Trump mantra—‘we want to win.’ Everybody likes to win. I love to win, too. But I understand that winning isn’t everything. We need to learn more about compassion.”

Billy learned an important lesson from a Harvard neuropsychologist who discovered that--while most of us think the brain controls our behavior--we can actually control our brain.  

"We can tell our brain to think more positive thoughts and to be more kind and compassionate. Very first thing in the morning, you tell yourself, ‘I’m going to set out to do five good deeds today.’ Just tell yourself.  Then you do the deeds. Instead of saying, ‘This is right. This is wrong. This is love. This is not love.’ Encourage people to do good deeds. That makes friendship.”

Billy and Lucille with children and grandchildren: Be Smart But Kind

Recently, Billy was trying to think of what two words of advice he would leave to his grandchildren. Instead he thought of four: “Be smart but KIND."

(To Be Continued. Next and Final Excerpt: Solving Global Conflict)